Talking about Autism with Kids

My son, ‘Matthew’, was diagnosed with Autism a few days after his 3rd birthday.  My husband, ‘Steve’, and I always knew that at some point in his school career we would be going into his classroom to talk to kids about Matthew and Autism.  We just weren’t sure when that would be exactly.

When Matthew started grade 2, I noticed a big difference in all of his peers.  Not only had they grown taller over the summer, but they all seemed to have matured socially.

Matthew’s teacher thought ‘now was the time’, so she worked with us by sending home a note to make sure students and their parents knew about the ‘special guests’ coming into the classroom. We chose a day that Matthew would be out of the classroom, so he wouldn’t feel self-conscious or awkward while we spoke to the other students about his experience.  To prepare Matthew, we told him that we were going into his classroom to talk to his friends about Autism, and he said it was okay.

Steve and I arrived early for the class visit.  We sat out in the foyer going over our notes.  We each had different parts that we were going to say.  We were prepared, but I still couldn’t believe how nervous we both were!  I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart was beating fast.  I kept thinking to myself:  “Why am I so nervous to speak in front of a group of 7 year olds?”

When we walked into the classroom, all the students were sitting in their desks.  Immediately, I saw Matthew’s best friend, the thoughtful and sweet, ‘Miss B,’ sitting in the front row.  I had never been so happy to see her!  It felt like we had an ally sitting right in front of us and it made me feel calmer.  Thankfully, all of the students recognized us both from when we volunteered on class field trips throughout the year.

After letting them know the reason for our visit, I asked who already knew Matthew lived with Autism.  I was pleasantly relieved that about a 3rd of the class put up their hands.  This is likely due to Steve and I being friends with some of their parents.

During our talk we focused on how Autism is simply a different way of thinking – that some people are born with brains that work differently.  It’s not bad, it’s not wrong, it’s just different.  Steve shared a great comparison of Play Station and Xbox having different operating systems.  The kids got this quickly, with several boys shaking their heads knowingly.  Ah, 7 year old wisdom!

I talked about how we ALL have challenges – things that are hard for each of us.  Using an anonymous list the teacher provided in advance, I mentioned several real things that challenge some of them.  Without referring to anyone specifically, we chatted about what it’s like to struggle with these things.  Linking back to Matthew, I shared that he struggles with language and being social, including some specific examples they recognized.

For instance, the kids nodded as we talked about being asked the same question each day, even though Matthew already knows the answer.  Steve talked about Matthew’s fascination with colours and restaurant logos.  “Has Matthew asked any of you what your favourite colour is?”  All the kids started talking at once.  It was such a relief to have them all chatter away.

Switching to the positive, we asked:  “Now what are some things you are really good at?”  Every child proceeded to put up their hand, telling us one thing they are really good at.  Then, the big question:  “Can any of you think of something Matthew is really good at?”  I held my breath – I was really scared.  Did they see his strengths as we did?  Every single student put up their hand and told us one thing:  “He’s really good at math.”  “He’s awesome on the monkey bars.”  “He’s really nice.”…

Perfect for the children’s age, Steve then shared a great story about a boy from Japan you lived with Autism.  He grew up obsessed with insects – to the point where all of his peers had dubbed him “Dr. Bug”.  The boy’s passion of each and every insect and all of their strengths and weaknesses lead him to develop one of the most popular kids games of all time……POKEMON.

“This boy had Autism, yet rather than get stuck, he used his struggles and interests to create something really cool.  So, even if you have challenges, you can use your strengths to be successful.”

Their eyes grew wide and they all started talking excitedly, as we handed out 2 Pokémon cards to each student to take home.

We finished off by giving a few suggestions on how to be a good friend to Matthew.  We also showed them 2 children’s books about Autism, one of which the teacher immediately read to the class after we left.  We departed with the kids all talking a mile a minute and trading their Pokémon cards.

We were so happy and relieved!  We made it comfortable for them because they now knew why Matthew says and does things differently – they understood HIM more.  I realized why I had been so nervous:  We desperately wanted to provide Matthew’s classmates with information so they accept Matthew’s differences.  Not good, not bad, just different.

Within a week, I heard from 3 different parents telling me that their children arrived home that day excitedly telling them all about our visit, Matthew and what Autism meant.

Steve and I literally high fived as we walked down the hall……………………..that was awesome!

** Some names have been changed to honour people’s right to privacy

*** Please know that while this approach was the right fit for our son in this particular setting, each situation is unique.  If you wish support finding the ‘right’ context for you to talk with your child’s friends, please connect with me.